A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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