I wish they made helmets for livers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
