I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
