We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
