My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
