Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
