I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
