Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
