Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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