Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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