So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
