that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
