Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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