I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
