k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
