there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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