its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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