I wish my penis had an off switch
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize