I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
