The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
