I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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