I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
