Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
