haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she peed on how many people?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Boobs speak an international language.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
