Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
