Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
