I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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