But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
