they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
