He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did i walk over a car last night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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