remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
