Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize