but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
