man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
