Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
