shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
