I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
don't judge my taste in strippers
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
