sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
