You're so nebulous sometimes
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize