eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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