If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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