I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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