We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
FUCK WHALES
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