No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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