I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
