I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
