Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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