so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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