didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
