Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
