Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize