You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
