i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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