Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
