I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
