I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
3pm strippers are depressing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
