Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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