no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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