and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
