hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
