First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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