$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize