mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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