Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize