Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
