can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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