when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
