Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
