Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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